Why Is My Child Acting Out? Complex Behaviours in the Early Years
If you're a parent, educator, or caregiver, you've likely encountered a moment when a child lashes out, melts down, or withdraws—and you're left wondering what went wrong. These moments can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes even scary. But here’s the truth:
All behaviour is communication.
All Behavior is Communication
Challenging behaviours aren’t signs of “bad kids.” They’re signs that a child is struggling to communicate.
At ABC Head Start Society, we work with hundreds of children each year—many of whom have speech and language challenges, emotional regulation difficulties, or learning differences. Lately, we've seen a noticeable rise in the number and intensity of complex behaviours in our classrooms.
So, we teamed up with the Community-University Partnership (CUP) to explore a critical question: Why are we seeing more complex behaviours in young children—and what can we do to help? {Read the full research project}.
What Are Complex or Challenging Behaviours?
Challenging behaviours are patterns of behaviour that interfere with a child’s ability to learn or connect socially. These might include:
Frequent meltdowns or outbursts
Aggression toward others
Trouble focusing or sitting still
Withdrawal or refusal to engage
Difficulty following directions or routines
These behaviours aren’t signs of “bad kids.” They’re signs that a child is struggling. And often, they’re rooted in stress, trauma, or a delay in emotional or language development.
Why Is This Happening?
Our research and frontline experience point to six key contributors:
1. Family Stress and Poverty
Children living in poverty face up to a 30% higher risk of developing behavioural challenges. Financial stress, housing insecurity, and mental health struggles—especially maternal depression—can affect a child’s brain development and emotional regulation.
2. Attachment and Early Relationships
Secure relationships with parents and caregivers help children feel safe and understood. When those relationships are strained—due to stress, mental health, or life instability—children may struggle to form trust or regulate their emotions.
3. Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
Events like family violence, parental separation, or a caregiver’s own past trauma can deeply impact a child’s emotional wellbeing. One study even found that a mother’s own childhood trauma (her ACEs) had a stronger link to her child’s behaviour than the father’s.
4. Newcomer and Refugee Experiences
Families new to Canada, especially those fleeing war or trauma, face unique stressors: language barriers, housing insecurity, cultural adjustment, and isolation. These experiences ripple through the family system and can show up in children’s behaviour.
5. Screen Time and Technology
While the research is still growing, excessive screen time has been linked to language delays and lower self-regulation skills. It also reduces the time spent in face-to-face interaction—key for developing emotional and social skills.
6. Under-Resourced Early Learning Environments
When educators are stretched too thin or lack access to specialists, it's hard to give children the one-on-one support they may need. Even typically developing children can be affected when staff are constantly “putting out fires.”
What Can Families and Educators Do?
One of the most powerful findings from our work is that change starts with relationships—between children and adults, between educators and families, and between systems and supports.
For Parents and Caregivers:
Know it’s not your fault. Complex behaviour doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Seek support. Parenting courses, peer support groups, and early intervention services can make a big difference.
Stay consistent. Predictable routines help children feel safe.
Model calm and connection. Your emotional response helps shape your child’s.
For Educators:
Create emotionally safe environments. Clear expectations and strong routines reduce stress for everyone.
Invest in training. Trauma-informed care, mental health literacy, and behaviour support strategies are essential tools.
Prioritize staff wellbeing. Burnout is real. Educators need support, too.
For Everyone:
Look beyond the behaviour. Ask: What is this child trying to tell me?
Build bridges with families. Sharing strategies and insights creates consistency across home and classroom.
Advocate for system-level change. More support, more specialists, and better ratios benefit every child.
You’re Not Alone—ABC Can Help
If your child is struggling with emotional outbursts, difficulty connecting, or other behavioural challenges, you're not alone. These struggles are more common than you think—and they are not a reflection of failure. They are a signal that your child needs more support.
At ABC Head Start Society, we help children feel safe, seen, and supported—through inclusive classrooms, dedicated professionals, and strong partnerships with families. We also advocate for broader system changes to meet the growing needs of children in our communities.
Want to learn more or access support? Explore our programs or apply here.